My Halloween Rant: Slutty Edition
Growing up, picking a Halloween costume rocked. I loved pretending I was other people like Cleopatra, Jem, or Alice in Wonderland (see above). This would later prepare me for my acting career when I would get to dress up as “Visa credit card Girl” or “Girl Leaving Abortion Clinic.” But now, Halloween kinda sucks. Not because I’m old & too mature to dress up… you’re reading from the girl who puts fake spiders in her husband’s lunch box (yeah, he has a lunch box; a Star Wars one). Halloween sucks now because just as bikini season comes to a close and I’ve indulged in my favorite carb-heavy meals, I have to go and look all slutty again.
First of all, October is cold, even in L.A. Secondly, I can only obsessively hit the gym for a short period of time and it’s not going to be in the fall. No matter what costume road you want to go down, they all are whore-i-fying. I mean, what is sexy about being a housekeeper? Or a nun? According to costume makers, EVERYTHING.
This Halloween, I just don’t have the energy. Instead of sucking in my stomach all night, I will be home, thinking of cute costumes I can dress my future dog in (totally normal). Or maybe I’ll just scare the shit out of everyone by going as Michele Bachmann. Those blazers are pretty forgiving.
