I wrote a Grindr bio for Dr. Phil’s moustache because alcohol.
Movember is silly but I love it. Not that men’s health issues are silly (I mean I totally care), but for me it’s all about the vintage glamour and attention. And it’s finally MY turn to be in the spotlight. Technically, I’m on television everyday but no one really pays attention to me. I don’t know how much more ‘out there’ I can be, but I feel invisible. I’ve been watching a lot of those ‘It Gets Better’ videos and while there are a lot of cute boys in them, I still haven’t found anything moustache-specific. It only confirms that I really am alone…but it will get better?
I’m always telling him we need a makeover. I hate being such a plain jane. I long for the freedom of one of those twirly bohemian styles, or even go a little skinny. It’s not always easy being the big girl.
Doesn’t he know how embarrassing it is when he says things like “that dog won’t hunt” and “I didn’t just come in on a load of turnips.” Oh really Phil, you didn’t? Dr, Dr, sorry I meant Dr.!! (he threatens to cut me whenever I do that). Anyway, you and I both haven’t seen turnips since we left Oklahoma and started licking Oprah’s asshole (She fucking loves that). And don’t think for one second my soft tickle doesn’t add to her enjoyment.
What else do you want to know about me? I’m totally a top (duh). I’m always fearing for my survival. Now that I’m in show business all it takes is one PR cunt or producer with a bright idea to mix things up and I’m toast. I’m over 12 years old. That’s like 132 in moustache years! I really don’t want to have to start over. Or worse, what if he doesn’t bring me back? The end can always be near which explains my reckless tendencies yet neurotic disposition. I know this is long for a Grinder bio but hit me up I’m at Paramount Studios.