Korean Spa - Unhappy Ending

I’ve been to many spas, but never to a Korean Spa. I’ve long heard about their great scrubs, so I gave it a whirl on Saturday. The scrub was awesome, the massage and environment was something else. 

I relaxed in the steam room for a while, until the “specialist(?)” got me. She was a mid-50’s Korean woman wearing only a a bra and panties. Not a bathing suit, but a full on matching set of see-through black lingerie. Frankly, it did nothing for me. 

She took me back to the treatment room which appeared to be an old handicapped bathroom stall without a toilet. I had a ‘when in Rome’ attitude and got naked on table. As I mentioned, the scrub was great, then the massage began. I like a deep tissue rub as much as the next masochist, but this was ridiculous. It’s not even that she was going so deep, but she was rubbing so damn fast I felt more like a Tae Kwon Do experiment. She also left her signature on my arms in the form of various small bruises.

But I am now baby soft. And $80 poorer.

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I won??

Last week I posted about being ridiculously matched up against a Playboy-esque blonde on Guy Speed’s “Checking Out your Tweets” contest. In what can only be described as divine intervention (because God surely cares about these things), I won. Trust me, I was just as surprised as you are. Now I believe I’m one win away from “Hall of Fame” status, which means I can finally tell all the popular girls I went to high school with to suck it (if I hadn’t blocked them all from my facebook page).

This week they paired me with a much more naturally beautiful girl holding a Star Wars figure. And let me tell you, she and her plastic Princess Lea are CREAMING me.

So, click the pic and vote if you want my Grandmother to have something to be proud of me for. 

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My Thoughts On Valentine’s Day

I know many people, single and coupled, who complain that Valentine’s Day is just a commercialized celebration meant to spend consumer dollars. It’s fake, it’s made up, it’s stupid. Or the ever popular, I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend, so V-day sucks. 

But I believe that Valentine’s Day and other romantic celebrations(i.e. anniversary, b-days, X-mas,etc.) are important and actually force us to examine our lives. Here’s why:

1. IF YOU ARE IN A SHITTY RELATIONSHIP: Think about it: If you are in a relationship that’s not going so well, Valentine’s is very important. It gives your partner the opportunity to make up for what an ass he’s been. And if that doesn’t happen, it’s hard to ignore if your partner is a jerk on Valentine’s Day. 
If you are with a person who does nothing for you on this day; not even a card or a loving acknowledgement, this is not the person you should be with! Many people get engaged on this Day, but many people break up, too. If it wasn’t for this lovey-dovey holiday, many people would drag on with mediocre relationships, unable to see how distant they truly are from their partner. If you lack the motivation do go the extra mile for your partner on this day, you should probably question why you are even together in the first place.

2. IF YOU ARE SINGLE: Don’t bash Valentine’s Day just because you may not have one this year. Love can strike at any time; you may be having the romance of your life this time next year. 
Don’t allow yourself more than 30 minutes of pity on Valentine’s Day. It’s okay to sulk, but don’t let it ruin your day. You are too special for that. 
Since relationships are on your mind anyway, re-examine why you are single. If are happy to be single, great! Use this an excuse to party with your other single friends tonight. If you wish you were in a relationship, that’s okay. It will come. Over 95% of Americans marry at least once in their lives. You can’t be so hideous that you fall into the 5%.

3.IF YOU ARE IN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP: Then celebrate! There is no reason not to make your partner feel special today. Valentine’s Day is great, because it lets those who are maybe not as great at expressing their feelings, well, it forces them to do so! And that is important. Use this as an opportunity to become closer. Be happy that a little benchmark like Valentine’s Day provides an excuse to do so.

Those are my thoughts. Stop cursing Hallmark. Just embrace the day. And buy me some candy.

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Part IV

Me and Winnebago Man. Rematch. Except I was actually working out while he sipped his frappuccino/caramel macchiato/trenta/whatever. I never drink those drinks- no caffeine for me and I’d rather get my sugar from a pillowy donut- but I’m pretty sure coffee isn’t intended for the gym. He casually rode the stationary bike and instead of staring at me in a provocative way, he looked kinda pissed off. It’s like he knows I’m writing about him and now he’s plotting some kind of revenge…

This series ends with one of us killing each other, right?

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This is my new workout:

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